Chapter 2
The Plant Model and Leaf Principles
The specific task before us is to teach children to always act for the betterment of society rather than just for themselves. This is not to say that they should never think of themselves or do things for themselves, but that they should always do so with the whole in mind. This understanding of their role in society will guide their individual actions.
At first, it may seem like the best approach to getting this point across is to simply explain it to children. However, if you approach ethical behavior as a skill, you begin to see why this approach is not successful. We certainly wouldn’t dream of teaching math, reading, football, or piano by simply talking to children about them. Why would teaching integrity be any different? We need to provide a specific goal of what is to be accomplished, the techniques by which it is to be accomplished, and daily exercises so that it can be perfected.
The main idea we wish to instill in children is that although they are individuals, they are still part of a whole. They are totally dependent on the whole, and the whole is totally dependent on them. This is the goal. Once they understand their connection and responsibility to other people in the wider sense, they will naturally respond with integrity (acting for those around them rather than for themselves) in whatever situations come up.
Let’s use football as an illustration. The team’s goal is to score by moving the ball down the field. When the ball is in play, each team member acts independently. However, their actions follow an overall plan. While individual excellence is imperative to the plan’s success, it has to synchronize with the goals of the whole team. A good coach will first instill the team goal and then instruct the individuals to practice independently using certain techniques (ball handling, good form, and so on). The skill of football, achieving the team goal and scoring, follows naturally. It is important that each team member work independently to improve, taking time out, if necessary, so that they can better perform, but practice should be done in accordance with the team’s needs and requirements.
Obviously, throughout our lives, our teams and individual roles are going to change. We will have different roles with different duties and responsibilities within different social units and organizations. However, the dynamics of how we work within these units do not change and remain constant.
In our previous example, the goal of football is pretty easy to understand: move the ball down the field to score. However, the case of integrity is more complex. We are individuals, each of us dependent on a whole that is likewise totally dependent on us as individuals. It can be particularly difficult for little ones to grasp. A simple illustration, something familiar to children, would help a great deal in clarifying this relationship for them.
One image that has been used for centuries to reflect this type of relationship is the tree. Both secular and religious groups have used tree imagery to illustrate that we are all connected. The leaves and branches represent us. The tree represents either creation or the divine, depending on the perspective. Many spiritual depictions illustrate our connection with the divine as an upside-down tree with its roots in heaven and its branches and leaves here on earth. In science, the tree is used as the model for phylogenetics, the study of the evolutionary relationship among groups of organisms and species. Even The Walt Disney Company has used the idea, creating a fourteen-story Tree of Life for its Animal Kingdom theme park. The tree, which depicts hundreds of species carved into its trunk, is a favorite with children of all ages.
The idea that all living species are connected as leaves on a tree is something to which children can easily relate. Because children love growing things, we are going to further simplify by using the common houseplant. This is an excellent way for children to understand the integrity relationship. Society (or humanity) starts as a universal seed, all inclusive. It roots in the soil (Earth) and covers its branches with leaves. We are the leaves; the branches are our family, community, nation, and so on; and the plant is all of humanity.
The plant model has three important “leaf” principles. The important thing to remember about the leaf principles is that they are at work in our lives, whether we acknowledge them or not. They are like the law of gravity. You can choose not to believe in gravity, but walking off a cliff will still hurt.
Principle 1: We Are All Connected
We are all connected, just like leaves, to the common plant which is humanity. We may not see the connections, but they are there nonetheless.
Principle 2: What We Give or Intend, We Get
Leaves come in a variety of colors, shapes, and sizes, but they all have one main function: to strengthen the plant. Just like leaves, we make food to strengthen the plant. We nurture the plant through right action, or integrity, always acting in an unselfish manner. In turn, we weaken the plant through wrong or selfish action. If the plant is strong and healthy, the leaves in turn are strong and healthy. Similarly, if we work to help others grow and flourish, we, and those around us, will grow and flourish as a result. While we can think of ourselves and do things to strengthen or better ourselves, we should always do so with the whole of society in mind.
If we insist on living selfishly by doing what is best for only us, we are taking without giving, which decreases the flow of available food for all. The plant is sickened, and eventually so are we. If enough leaves act in this manner, the plant will die, taking us along with it.
Therefore, it is our life’s work and duty to always act in the best interest of all. Furthermore, it is important to do this work without personal pride or attachment to the results because, while it may appear our success is our own, the success derives from the collaborative effort of all attached to the plant. If we intentionally harm even one other leaf on the plant, preventing them from flourishing in any way, we are hurting ourselves in equal measure.
At this point, many might begin to worry that integrity is perhaps too unrealistic a goal, too much to live up to. After all, no one is perfect. Most children probably end up in detention or the principal’s office at least once in their lifetime. Children will make mistakes. However, when children receive a poor grade on a math test, we don’t say it is impossible for them to learn and give up; we keep encouraging them to progress. They may not grow up to be experts, but they can function and benefit society. No one is perfect, but we should all strive to be. Mistakes and failures are part of a lifelong learning process. None of us should be judged by our mistakes and failures as long as we learn from them and progress.
Although we may always try to act in the best interest of others, at times we will unintentionally do harm to another person. There may also be times when, for the good of the whole, harm to another person is unavoidable. What matters most is our original intention. Consider the difference between intentionally failing a math test versus studying hard and still failing. If our overall intentions are good and unselfishly motivated, much of the damage is negated.
In other words, if we always strive to act in a manner that is best for the plant and not take personal credit for the results, whether bad or good, our actions do not weigh so heavily on us. We become somewhat “stain resistant” and life’s mud rolls off us rather than sticking to us. The less we think about ourselves, the healthier and more secure we become.
Principle 3: Act with Balanced Detachment
Like leaves, we are directly connected to the plant (humanity) and indirectly to other leaves (individuals). Therefore, our first concern is always the health of the plant. We should never be corrupted or coerced into putting the welfare of another leaf or branch above that of any other unless it is in the best interest of the plant.
All leaves are equal, although it may look otherwise from where we are. We must go about our life’s work with balanced detachment, never allowing ourselves to get too attached to or separated from other leaves on the plant. If we act with balanced detachment, we are sure to always work in the best interest of the whole, strengthening ourselves and all those around us rather than strengthening a few to the detriment of others.
Because we are equal detached parts of a whole, it is senseless to compete with one another. In fact, it is detrimental to us. We may think that if we always place first, we will be happy and secure, but nothing could be farther from the truth. If we compete and insist on putting ourselves or just our close friends and family first, we effectively choke ourselves off, chopping all support right out from under us. To be happy and secure, we need to put the plant first, serving it rather than ourselves. That way we reap a greater harvest. Competition should be reserved only for competing with ourselves to be the best we can be in all areas of our lives.
Similarly, there is no point in forcing others to our viewpoint through argument or aggression. We are all separate, working toward a whole, and we are not always going to agree. But that’s okay. We can mutually agree to disagree and continue to strengthen the plant in our own ways.
Disagreeing without aggression is what peace is all about. It is important to remember that most children do not choose to be mean or offensive, especially if they have a personality handicap. Many are simply unaware of the leaf principles. Children who do understand that we are all connected should realize the other person is unfamiliar with the leaf principles and should not respond in like kind or retaliate.
Children who follow the leaf principles will begin to understand that when others are mean, those others are hurting themselves and are actually to be pitied. As part of acting with detachment, it’s okay for them to “agree to disagree” and “detach” so that each can peacefully coexist without tension. More and more, children who internalize the leaf principles will find that they choose to spend time with others who also internalize them, and they will naturally begin to seek a peaceful, nonagitating, and nonargumentative environment.
Nonretaliation does not mean that children who internalize the leaf principles are to be totally passive. It means they are to be independently strong and nonaggressive. The idea is to change the world from the inside out by improving and being in control of our own individual behavior. If enough individuals behave in this manner, it will be reflected in society’s overall behavior. The opposite is also true. If enough individuals act in an aggressive, angry, and mean manner, society will be mean and harsh.
The leaf principles and techniques in this book will help children think and act appropriately in the majority of conflict situations by focusing on doing the right thing for all involved, treating everyone fairly and ethically. However, children need to be made aware that there are blatantly mean people in the world who cannot always be reasoned with or simply detached.
Pruning may be required for bullies and abusive children, but this should be carried out by appropriate authorities. Any child in an abusive, violent, or degrading situation needs to seek remedy immediately, usually by involving appropriate authority figures. This book does not advocate tolerance of such situations nor does it claim to provide techniques for preventing or protecting oneself in a bullying situation.
