Chapter 4
Putting It All Together to Grow Integrity
The powerful combination of focused thought and the Careful Conduct Shield ensures success if practiced regularly over a sustained period of time. To grow integrity, these techniques need to be incorporated with the leaf principles into an overall “plant care” program that children will understand. The general guidelines for each step are given below. You will want to modify them according to the age of the child and the particular setting in which they are used.
Step 1: Prepare the Soil
To flourish, plants need soil with the correct pH. The same is true for integrity. If we think of the environment around the child as the soil, we need to encourage the right attitude in order for it to grow. This means creating an environment conducive to the leaf principles, especially encouraging an outward, rather than inward or self-centered, view of the world. This can be achieved by gently encouraging children to focus on what they can do for others. When they are down, bored, or brooding on themselves, encourage them to do a small thing for someone else, even someone else in the home. You can also point out articles in the news which focus on people doing things for others or helping society in general. Historical figures who have benefited society also make good examples.
Furthermore, for the same reason we wouldn’t encourage a child to study music in a loud room, we shouldn’t encourage them to study integrity in a loud environment. We need to promote a calm, quiet environment for learning, filtering activities according to the leaf principles. This means limiting input from friends, movies, books, TV, or video games that are not conducive to them or are agitating. We also need to set good examples for children through the types of material we read or watch as well as the activities in which we participate. Furthermore, we want to encourage them to always be careful of their speech, especially in gossip situations. We should encourage them to think before they speak, weighing what they are about to say against: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Finally, we need to be honest with them. Life is difficult, and they need to know that they will have bad times as well as good times, regardless of their actions. However, through their actions they can prevent life from being harder than it needs to be. We should emphasize to them that the goal of life is not to perform actions by which we expect to benefit as a result, but to perform actions which positively contribute to society with no expectation of gain in return. Expecting things from others can lead to frustration and disappointment. The more we teach them to stop expecting from life, the more secure and productive they will become, thus creating a fertile soil in which integrity can grow and flourish.
Step 2: Plant
Now that the soil has been prepared, it’s time to plant.
Plant the Seedling
Explain to your child that you are going to plant a very important plant, the integrity plant, and need special supplies for it. Take them to a nursery to choose the following:
- A plain planting container which can be decorated. It should be small, something they can easily handle.
- A small houseplant. Low-light plants such as philodendrons are good choices.
- A growing medium such as dirt or Hydro Crystals (also known as hydro gels, polymer crystals, water crystals, or water gels).
Take everything home and decorate the container with them using paint, markers, paper, etc. Put in the medium, plant the plant, and water. Place the plant where they can see it often, perhaps on their desk or near their bed.
Watch It Grow
Using the plant as a visual illustration, review the three leaf principles with them. Cover one principle per day or week, depending on the age of the child involved. Use examples from their life, current events, or history to illustrate. If they can read, write the three principles on a card and place it next to the plant.
Principle 1: We Are All Connected. We are all connected, just like leaves, to a common plant, which is humanity. We may not see the connections but they are there nonetheless.
Principle 2: What We Give or Intend, We Get. Leaves come in a variety of different colors, shapes, and sizes, but they all have one main function: to strengthen the plant. We strengthen the plant through right action, or integrity, always acting in an unselfish manner. In turn, we weaken the plant through wrong or selfish action. If the plant is strong and healthy, the leaves in turn are strong and healthy. Similarly, if we work to help others grow and flourish, we and those around us will grow and flourish as a result.
Principle 3: Act with Balanced Detachment. Just like leaves, we are directly connected to the plant (humanity) and indirectly to other leaves (individuals). Therefore, our first concern is always the health of the plant. We should never be corrupted or coerced into putting another leaf’s or branch’s welfare above any other unless it is in the best interest of the plant. All leaves are equal, although it may look otherwise from where we are.
Step 3: Maintain
Now that the plant is growing, we need to explain how to care for it.
Water with the Careful Conduct Shield
Explain to them that because plants need water to live, they need to water the plant regularly so that it does not dry out. Explain that the leaf principles also need to be nourished. In order to keep the principles from drying out, they need to "water" them using the careful conduct shield.
Using the information from Chapter 3, explain the CCS and how it is used. Help them select a phrase from Appendix B. Explain that once the CCS is selected, it is special. They should not change it, nor should they share it with anyone else. Explain that its strength results from regular silent repetition throughout the day whenever their mind is not really busy, such as when doing mundane chores, waiting in line, or falling asleep. Have them close their eyes and silently repeat the selected CCS. Practice with them. Explain that it is a way to quietly occupy the mind when it is agitated or idle. It should be used if they are in an intense situation such as when arguing or afraid as well as when they are bored.
Going forward, encourage them to keep “practicing silence” daily using the CCS whenever the opportunity presents itself.
Fertilize with Focused Thought
Explain to them that because plants need food to grow, they need to fertilize the plant at regular intervals with plant food for it to stay healthy. Explain that the same is true in their life with the leaf principles. In order to keep the leaf principles healthy, they need to “feed” them by focusing their thoughts.
Using the information from Chapter 3, review focused thought and how it is used. Help them choose a quotation from Appendix A so they can try it with you. Follow these steps to get started:
- Start to slowly repeat the passage aloud one line at a time. Ask them to verbally repeat the line after you. Tell them to focus on each word as they are saying it and then move on to the next. Do this for all the lines in the quotation.
- Ask the child to close their eyes and repeat Step 1.
- With eyes closed, repeat Step 1 with the following exception: Ask them to repeat each line silently rather than repeat it aloud.
- Depending on the age involved, ask them to silently repeat the entire quotation from start to end as you do the same (both silently). Otherwise, ask them to silently repeat only one line a few times. Remind them to return to the start of the passage if they start thinking of something other than the words of the passage.
Choose shorter quotes to start with and work up depending on the age of the child. To start, go slow and do it with them for a few minutes each day. You should progress up to five to ten minutes per day, longer if they wish, but don’t overdo it. Short frequent sessions are better than long, infrequent ones. A good time to do this is before they leave for school in the morning or before going to bed at night. Encourage them to practice daily and to choose and memorize different texts.
A fun thing to do with older children is to purchase and decorate a card file box as a “character file.” Each day or week, have them write out a chosen quote on a card. They can meditate on it and, when they are done, add it to the character file. Furthermore, if the information is available, you can talk about the individual to whom the quote is attributed and his or her contribution to society. You can even categorize quotes by meaning, author, time, and so on.
Perhaps nothing is more important in life than having integrity, or ethical thought and behavior, and this can be learned just like any other skill. It is important to remember that the information presented here is intended to be a foundation for a lifetime of character development. Like any skill, once the proper fundamentals are learned, it takes time and experience to perfect. Time is necessary for practice and experience for broader exposure. A child who learns to play the piano, for example, may take years to become accomplished.
Similarly, children who learn the leaf principles and use its techniques will not be proficient in character at the outset. Genetic personality traits and personal life circumstances will come into play and some children will have a more difficult time than others depending on their personal situations. Despite the leaf principles, there may still be times when children respond inappropriately to given situations, make poor choices, or respond in like kind when presented with unkind behavior. This is only natural and human.
However, while not accomplished initially, a child who does learn to play the piano has a much better musical foundation which facilitates a lifetime of artistic pursuit and enjoyment. Likewise, children who understand that they are connected to others, rather than separate, will have an easier time developing good character, regardless of their starting point or personal circumstances. In fact, if they desire, they too can become artists, sculpting their character and personality into a work of art throughout their lifetimes. This creates an underlying purpose for their lives, a continuous thread between family, career, friends, or whatever may be in store for them. Such a worthwhile endeavor will influence their lives and society for the better, helping to prevent possible difficulties due to lack of knowledge, problem personalities, or momentary setbacks.
Fortunately, it only takes a few minutes a day to lay the foundation for integrity in children. The earlier this is started, the more solid the foundation. Consistent systematic practice of the leaf principles using focused thought and the careful conduct shield allows children to internalize and demonstrate integrity starting at a young age.
